There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
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Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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