she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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