I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
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I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
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she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I need a beard to bite.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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