I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I am available for nakedness
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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