Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd