so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She's the barista slut.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???