John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
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Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
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Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend