apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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