Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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