Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
