I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
