In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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