thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
