nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
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Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
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Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.