I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.