I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.