Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
