After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
