so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
