Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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