Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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