Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
