Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.