you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.