Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
