I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
