You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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