Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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