You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
