I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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