I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
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I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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