I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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