Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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