That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine