Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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