i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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