dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
