Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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