then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
