Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
