The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize