is your mom at the bar?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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