I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I stole a fireplace last night.
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Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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