i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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