the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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