is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
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I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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