my vag is so smooth its legendary
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
