if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
