I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
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I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
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I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize