I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
