You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
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dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
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I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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