it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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