You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i was born a porn star she said
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
