you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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