Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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