i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
