mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the day after is always just damage control
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
